BIG SHOCKER!!!! I got a book!!! and...

I AM ACTUALLY READING IT!!! HAHAHA!!!
Anyhow.. I got this book from a long time friend. Sally Scammell.. wrote a book called "Recovery from Church Hurts" You know.. hmmmmm where should I begin.. Church has always been a struggle for me BIG TIME!!!! When we moved to Albany and decided to take some time off not necessarily from church but "CHURCH" if you get what I am saying can I hear a AMEN!! (just kidding...well kinda) anyways being involved in church since I was like 2 freakin weeks old... been there.. done that and HEARD THAT!!! and not in good ways! So lets see.. I think the final straw for me came when I was living in Ventura, working with youth kids and getting married... laddy lad laaaaaa... I got married and about 5 hours later I was pregnant!!!!!! AND I AM NOT KIDDING!!!! So.. here we go getting PERSONAL!!! WOOT WOOT!!! I did!!! I waited till I got married. Also mentoring the girls in the Youth Group right along my engagement and all.. had a great group of girls and was pretty close to them.. some of them were even in my wedding!!! Anyways.. so me being me.. didn't realize that people really would wonder if we planned a SHOT GUN WEDDING!!! actually when I found that out it was almost laughable to me... But I guess peeps actually were counting... So lets see I was prob about 3 months preggers.. at a Youth Conference in the bathroom of Chili's in Sacramento and my WHOLE group girls walk the bathroom while I am in the stall and each one of them speculate on my pregnancy one by one... and then add what their parents have been saying about it as well.. ALL while I was sitting in the stall holding back my tears.. and as they leave.. I break down.... and I STAY in that stall for the whole rest of the dinner... Got myself back together and everyone was done and back at the cars. So I quietly get in the car and stay silent for the next 8hr trip. I WAS SOOOO DEVESTATED!!!! The girls did put it together that I was in the bathroom stall, but to this day only one of them have ever said anything to me about it. So from that day.. i pretty much said... I am kinda done for a bit. well it ended up being almost 6 years!!!!! HAHAHA!!! It was hard!!! super hard for me.. So about a year ago.. or so.. I decided to get back involved with church.. and started a little bible study at our church. And it was a huge blessing, God had brought a group of gals that "restored my hope" you could say. These gals in my small group were as real as it gets.. It was nice to not have to worry about what you can't say and what you can.. everyone "just came as they were"..... I remember one time standing at the little snack counter and talking to a gal in my small group and she said... "I mean what the hell another cookie won't hurt, oh wait.. did I just say hell in church... CRAP" We laughed so hard!!! The deeper you do get involved in the CHURCHY part though.. the harder it got for me.. This has always ALWAYS been a struggle for me for a very very long time!!! So along with the blessing also came the "curse" of church... I did have a falling out with one of the leaders, it was hard and it was strong! We came to a semi agreement to just live at peace... but the rift had been made and it was awkward. I read this excerpt in this book and I thought it totally
explained and "felt" what I was feeling so here it is.. ."We have been dented, but those nearby respond like nothing has happened. It was bad enough that we were caught off guard by what just sideswiped us, sending us into a spin and then a ditch. What seemed even worse was that we were emotionally and spiritually crumpled, with flat tires (no ability to get out of where we are) and no one offered to help. The feeling of isolation becomes strong in those times of GREAT need"

BOOM!!!


PEACE OUT PEEPS!

p.s. i was not knocked up before i got married incase your are looking at your calenders!!!! (JERKS) :0)